Relationship, Business, or Both?

This week I’m straying a little from my usual article topic theme. This musing is just something that was inspired by some recent conversations with friends.

I’ve observed a rising trend amongst my peers: an ostensively desperate search for romantic companionship (read: “the one”).

I am an impossibly logical person, and not tremendously emotional in most situations in addition to being generally ambivalent toward relationships, so the concept of an urgent companion hunt is baffling to me.

Why am I happier when I’m alone? Why am I happier when I’m not with someone? The so-called “normal” social construct tells me that I am a weirdo or somehow wrong for being single all the time.

If you’re in a relationship that makes you happy—congratulations (sincerely).
I’m here to tell you right now that there is nothing wrong with being single and taking the time to work out who you are before going out into the dating world. After reading this, you may realize that you are also disinterested in participating in the dating world. You may even realize that the relationship you’re currently in is holding you back.

The most pertinent question is: how can you offer yourself to someone else when you don’t fully know yourself? It takes a long time to discover yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself.

You have to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else to do it as well. Say, for instance, you love yourself ~30%. This means that someone else can come along and love you at 31% and you’ll feel like that is SO much, when in fact, you should be with someone who loves you 100% and consistently goes above and beyond to exceed 100%.

What does this have to do with your business?

It seems that everyone’s become so obsessed with starting the rest of their lives that they’re willing to give up the one they’re currently living, or aspire to live, in the pursuit of a life that everyone else expects them to live. A friend of mine expressed to me recently, and with certainty, that she is going to be an old, single, spinster… as though that is somehow the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.

Quite frankly, the inference that being single makes me some sort of loser is offensive. I sincerely enjoy the freedom to work on my business, make my own decisions, hang out with friends, sleep in on weekends with no obligation to go for brunch or hiking, and never explain my actions to anyone.

There’s no doubt that relationships cloud your mind. We all want that connection, but I feel that I can create that connection with myself. There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. I am alone, but I am not lonely.

This may not be the case for you, but in 2018 the United Kingdom’s Prime Minister Theresa May appointed a "Minister of Loneliness" to tackle the social and health issues caused by social isolation.

It’s a damn shame that a Minister of Loneliness is even necessary, but I feel that it’s possible to use the desire fill some portion of your life to charge the capacitors that drive business growth and goal achievement.

It’s okay to be alone.

Not being in a relationship has afforded me the time and attention necessary to grow my business. A relationship may have made me happy, and it may not have. I am happy with myself.

With that said, this would likely be best the time to meet someone… when I don’t want or need to be in a relationship, similar to how it’s best to look for a new job when you already have one.

Couples always go through hard times, but a new business differs from other relationship stressors in that the business becomes a third entity in the relationship. It takes up a tremendous amount of time, resources, and attention that could otherwise go to a partner.

What’s most important to you right now?

Personally, I enjoy the freedom and ability to grow my business & personality. The last thing I want is become so terrified of being alone that I force myself to love someone at the expense of my business and personal wellbeing.

At 33 years old, I probably still don’t completely know myself, and I don’t feel that I’m ready to have a business and a relationship at the same time.

Surely, it is possible to have both, but you need to focus on what’s important to you right now. If your business is your top priority, is it really fair to get involved with someone that you can only commit 5% of your time to?